Recruitment is often one of the first big choices a woman makes in college, and how she approaches it can shape more than just her sorority experience. Sorority recruitment is also an early (and powerful) opportunity to help her develop one of the most critical leadership skills she’ll ever need: self-advocacy.

In my book, What It Takes to Shatter Glass, I outline that the foundation of self-advocacy is built on three key principles:

1. Knowing who you are
2. Knowing what you want
3. Knowing how to ask for it or find it

As recruitment leaders, we often teach PNMs how to “show up” for recruitment—what to wear, what to say, and how to navigate the process. But what we often miss is teaching them how to advocate for themselves. That is the real preparation that leads not only to better recruitment outcomes but to more confident, intentional, and empowered women joining your community.

Here’s how you can help PNMs reflect more deeply, ask better questions, and share their authentic selves throughout recruitment:

1. Help Them Know Who They Are

Most incoming PNMs may have never been asked to articulate their values or reflect on who they are beyond their grades, extracurricular activities, and social media bios. They’ve likely not considered how to use their values in choosing a sorority that is right for them. Give them space and language to explore their identity before recruitment starts, and help them relate those pieces of themselves to a sorority choice.

How to support this:

• Facilitate a reflection activity that helps PNMs identify their core values. Use prompts like:

  • “When do you feel most like yourself?”

  • “What qualities matter most in your friendships?”

  • “What are some things that your friends or family value in you?”

  • “What do you want your college experience to feel like outside the classroom?”

Why it matters:
When women are clear on who they are, they’re less likely to mold themselves into what they think chapters want. Instead, they show up with clarity and confidence. As an incoming college freshman (or sometimes older), a PNM may not always have a fully formed identity or set of values – That’s okay! Helping the women clarify what they know is essential to them now will help them in the process.

2. Help Them Know What They Want

Rather than encouraging PNMs to “keep an open mind” without context, help them define what they’re looking for, so they can ask the right questions and make decisions aligned with their values. It can be easy to get “caught up” in the sparkle of the recruitment process and forget to look at what lies beneath it in each chapter. Empowering (and reminding) PNMs to evaluate chapters based on what they want helps to ground the PNMs in what sustains in a chapter long after the recruitment process is over.

How to support this:

• Encourage them to write down what they’re hoping to find in a sorority experience.

• Share question prompts they can ask chapters, such as:

  • “How does your chapter support members with demanding schedules?”

  • “What does leadership look like here for first-year students?”

  • “How do members support each other during tough times?”

  • “What are some things you are most proud of about your chapter?”

Why it matters:
When women know what they want, they’re more likely to find a chapter that aligns with their goals and values, instead of focusing solely on image or popularity.

3. Help Them Learn How to Talk About Themselves Authentically

Many PNMs feel pressure to be “impressive” in recruitment conversations, but genuine connection happens when they show up as themselves. Teach them how to discuss their experiences, values, and interests in a natural and honest way.

How to support this:

• Model casual but meaningful responses to common questions.

• Help them prepare stories that demonstrate skills, values, or accomplishments that can be used in conversations.

• Provide sentence starters like:

  • “Something that really matters to me is…”

  • “I’m excited about…”

  • “I’m passionate about… because…”

Why it matters:
When women are empowered to speak from a place of authenticity, they not only build stronger connections but also demonstrate confidence without having to perform.

Recruitment as a Leadership Moment

When we teach women to advocate for themselves from the very beginning of their college journey, we aren’t just preparing them for recruitment—we’re setting the tone for how they will navigate leadership, relationships, and their future careers.

As community leaders, our role isn’t just to manage a smooth recruitment process. It’s to help women discover that their voice is powerful, their values matter, and their experience deserves to be aligned with who they are.

That’s the kind of recruitment education that shatters glass.